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		<title>Personal Reflections on Injury, Illness, Grace and Change</title>
		<link>http://interfaithservicesofthelowcountry.com/personal-reflections-on-injury-illness-grace-and-change/</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 09 Jun 2009 23:51:44 +0000</pubDate>
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				<category><![CDATA[Pastoral Reflections]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grace]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[illness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[injury]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Each of us lives our lives on the edge of the unknown; a span of uncertainty that stretches from being on the brink of glowing opportunities and shining accomplishments, all the way to the sudden, unexpected razor-like crisis where your reality is becomes an instant slice of acute pain, paralyzing fear, profound feelings of sorrow [...]
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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Each of us lives our lives on the edge of the unknown; a span of uncertainty<br />
that stretches from being on the brink of glowing opportunities and shining<br />
accomplishments, all the way to the sudden, unexpected razor-like crisis<br />
where your reality is becomes an instant slice of acute pain, paralyzing fear,<br />
profound feelings of sorrow and loss. All it takes is an instant of change, and<br />
our lives are dramatically, sometimes permanently altered. So it is then, that<br />
we live each day and hour on the edge of the unknown&#8230; Within a capacity or<br />
living in a paradox where we are able to experience the positive outcomes of<br />
decisions, even accidents, or become prone to life&#8217;s extremes; Simply, we are<br />
open and vulnerable to the full range of life&#8217;s possibilities.</p>
<p>How does this fortunate or awful truth affect us? What can it mean or how is it<br />
to be understood by a person of reason and faith?</p>
<p>The Christian philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard, who was well acquainted with<br />
both the experience of human joy and various stages of human suffering,<br />
stated that all faith begins in possibility. We can take it from him that our<br />
sense of an abiding, supportive, and relational faith brings to our peak and to<br />
our valley experiences, the many possibilities for heightening or deepening<br />
our understanding of ourselves and God, and that God, can be variously<br />
defined as strength, courage, fortitude, perseverance, or hope- and these<br />
ideals can be seen as trustworthy companions- no matter what befalls us&#8230;</p>
<p>Please note: I said that God, or the virtues, ideals and qualities that are<br />
ascribed to a source or a power that lies within and beyond ourselves, would<br />
accompany us, but that force, or that presence would not necessarily rescue,<br />
protect, exempt, or prevent us from any of life&#8217;s opportunities and challenges.<br />
In my universe, and in my set of definitions, my idea of a God is not all<br />
powerful; much has been given to the capacities of human reason, the full<br />
range of free will, and our acceptance of our personal responsibilities for<br />
choices and outcomes.</p>
<p>Knowing this as a deep truth, or at least acknowledging the possibilities of this<br />
spiritual friendship, marks the great difference for me between just being able<br />
to cope with life, and having a trustworthy faith that accompanies me while<br />
going through the experiences of my life.</p>
<p><span id="more-9"></span>From a more spiritual or wider philosophical outlook, as it relates to injury and<br />
illness, grace and change, the central concern for being or remaining healthy<br />
and whole is not so much focused on achieving or accomplishing a certain,<br />
desired physical goal. The more medical and mechanical outcomes of repair<br />
and curing, are important, of course, but philosophically and religiously<br />
speaking, health and healing are spiritual concepts and function best as<br />
working ideals that are primarily centered on maintaining our balance,<br />
harmony, our sense of peace, dignity, and vitality during all the changes,<br />
episodes, and experiences life gives us. To remain whole, then, is not to be<br />
merely to be free of injury and illness over the years, but wholeness asks us to<br />
use our personal faith, understanding, wisdom, and courage when illness or<br />
injury happens to us and to seek out ways that these experiences can teach<br />
or bless us&#8230;</p>
<p>That is&#8230; reveal to us more about ourselves, about a larger reality and the<br />
needs of others, and how our health challenges can change us!</p>
<p>Physician, oncologist and advocate for wholeness, Jean Shinola Bowen, makes<br />
this observation in her book on illness and transformation, Close to the Bone.<br />
She writes:<br />
“Our physical symptoms can serve as sentinels; as gatekeepers and<br />
eventually as ushers and greeters for our inner urges, our dreams, what we<br />
want to manifest or bring into being&#8230;. Every condition of the body or of the<br />
emotions has a message locked within Its energies for us. It is called having<br />
“somatic significance.” We can learn to trust our bodies because they are<br />
seeking homeostasis- balance, poise, equilibrium, harmony. &#8230; Whatever<br />
disgraces you, causes pain, despair, or that discounts yourself worth is to be<br />
met with strength- with loyalty to self, and to others, and it is to be met with<br />
courage and with love. “</p>
<p>Be they classified as mental, emotional, physical illnesses, they can act as a<br />
voice for that part of our lives that is being ignored, or devalued. It can be<br />
what we most fear, or what we want to avoid. So it compels us to listen; to<br />
observe, and then to respond knowingly to the lessons our injuries, illnesses,<br />
and life situations provide for us.</p>
<p>Throughout our lives, each of us has had a variety of health challenges&#8230;<br />
Injuries, illnesses, and experiences of crisis that have subsequently shaped<br />
our lives&#8230; While I had serious illnesses and injuries both before and after, I<br />
will share a significant one with you now&#8230;</p>
<p>One day, when I was a householder back in Massachusetts, I set out to do<br />
routine yard work. This included mowing the lawn, a chore I have done at<br />
least 100’s of times since my teenage years without incident.</p>
<p>But that day, it became dramatically different.</p>
<p>As I went about the task of mowing an incline that was between the garden<br />
rows, I suddenly, without warning, fell backward, tripping over a loose railroad<br />
tie and as I fell, the momentum of the lawnmower kept it coming&#8230; and<br />
somehow my foot slipped under the whirling blade and cut it seriously&#8230; In<br />
both shock and with natural pain blocks setting in, I somehow got up, hobbled<br />
to my kitchen, managed to call 911&#8230; And then collapsed! In a few days, after<br />
the shock of my injury wore off, and I was lying painfully in the hospital, where<br />
I was introduced to a 6 week ordeal of pain and disability and uncertainty.<br />
When one hears words from the doctor like necrosis, let’s say that it doesn’t<br />
build optimism!</p>
<p>Suddenly, this injury changed me and now as I look back, it has become a<br />
turning point in my life. Early on, I was confronted with fear-filled questions<br />
such as: What will I do? Will I be able to walk again? How will I go on?<br />
Without being graphic, the lasting effects are thankfully minimal&#8230; Since then, I<br />
have a hard time finding shoes that fit or that are comfortable&#8230; At the time, I<br />
tried to use my humor as best as I could&#8230;</p>
<p>There was a Daniel Day Lewis movie called “My Left Foot” so I realized that<br />
my film career wasn’t going to happen, and I knew that I had to give up my<br />
dream of becoming a Patriots place kicker&#8230; And since I was already in my<br />
40”s, I just had to let go of my thoughts of being a ballet dancer&#8230;</p>
<p>In fact, what I had to learn was to be realistic about my future, and to be<br />
grateful that I could still climb a step ladder, and I did not have to earn my<br />
living by being “on my toes!”</p>
<p>However, what I was given was the rare insightful opportunity to lie there; to<br />
think about my life, to learn to deal with the pain, the uncertainty about<br />
walking, and to work on my understanding of my life and its goals, and try to<br />
turn a personal crisis into a blessing in disguise.</p>
<p>I fully realize that, at first glance, many of us would balk at the notion that any<br />
physical or emotional suffering holds a valuable life lesson or a ripening of the<br />
soul within it. Yet, when we perceive that challenge differently- with the inner<br />
eyes and a heart of wisdom and the truth of a visceral knowing, we come to<br />
understanding the original definition of suffering, as an awakening of one’s<br />
soul to its true Self; learning to live and move through your life without your<br />
ego being foremost, placing a higher priority on peace, and gratitude than on<br />
accomplishment and striving.</p>
<p>Originally, suffering meant to be in a state of body, mind, or heart that permits,<br />
that allows or that does not resist all the challenges of our human experience-<br />
to be long suffering, then, was to be patient, discerning, and compassionate<br />
towards our personal experiences and the various outcomes of one’s life. We<br />
are to look at ourselves without judgment, and with empathetic eyes&#8230; so that<br />
would see whatever good was to be found in any life situation. If one is<br />
experiencing a crisis of body, mind, heart or spirit, we are to suffer with it-<br />
That, by the way is the original definition of compassion&#8230;</p>
<p>To walk with, to be with, to befriend and to humbly allow its wisdom and<br />
insights to deepen, ripen, and transform us.</p>
<p>This shift into greater awareness can, as a result, help us to find a grace in<br />
our wounds, and a blessing from our suffering, even if, for most of us, it is<br />
found consciously only in hindsight. For me, it was the need to enter into a<br />
pilgrimage and a life journey for 10 years- letting go of preconceived ways,<br />
and definitively shifting the way I would live my life.</p>
<p>Jungian author, Robert A. Johnson, writing in his book, “Owning Your<br />
Shadow”, makes this observation: “This invitation to suffer really is an<br />
invitation to reach into our depths, so that we can become whole.”</p>
<p>While it has been widely accepted that at birth, or early in life, the formative<br />
experience of illness, trauma, or hardship can act as a vocational call across<br />
the world religious faith traditions, (and we can cite recorded experiences that<br />
range widely from the Amazon Shamans, to Medieval mystics, from Hindu adepts,<br />
to modern explorers in altered states of conscious studies) the other<br />
most significant occasion in one’s life, is our<br />
mid-life crisis/opportunity (Chinese character) is when the soul is once again<br />
contacted in such a certain way that ego defenses are permeated, and when<br />
the possibilities for meaningful chaos become present, and the capacity for<br />
transformation ripens and now can take place. When this in-breaking is<br />
accompanied by an illness, as Jung puts it, “our gods become our diseases”,<br />
and that body/mind/spirit condition or connection then begs or implores us to<br />
find an inner sustaining sense of wholeness, which can come through an<br />
ongoing search for meaning, purpose and resolution in our lives. &#8230;</p>
<p>So I ask you, looking back, or if you are now between 30 and 60, the new<br />
mid-life range, (if we will live to at least 90,) that the challenges<br />
you have received, or living out now, will not only shape the rest of your life,<br />
your relationships, your careers, etc., but these experiences, illnesses, and<br />
challenges will instruct you how to make sense of your life, find its deeper<br />
purpose, and teach you how best to understand it, or to share it with others&#8230;<br />
In my initial research, I have commonly found that illness, injury, or incidents<br />
often accompanies a dramatic emotional shift, a relational breakdown or<br />
ending, a significant death, or the loss of one’s usefulness or status in the<br />
greater outside world. Most of those events were true for me then, and now&#8230;<br />
However, the most lasting impression or life transforming insight for me during<br />
this injury was my renewed appreciation and respect for the human body as<br />
God&#8217;s gift, and all the simple marvels and mysteries of living in it, and deciding<br />
to be far more cooperative with my body as my vehicle for movement, zest,<br />
and life.</p>
<p>Illness or injury is a great cure for bodily arrogance, and for taking one&#8217;s health<br />
for granted. While lying there bandaged up in a jackknife position, fearing<br />
even the weight of a small pillow or even the excellent attention of the staff<br />
nurses who might brush by, I developed a much greater empathy with people<br />
who have suffered far worse conditions such as being burned, the wounds of<br />
war, or losing a limb. The courage and fortitude of people living with these<br />
profound, lifelong struggles is incredibly admirable!</p>
<p>When I recalled how automatically and confidently I used to move, without<br />
much thought or effort. From the day of this bodily insult and injury, the simple<br />
movement or activity of standing or taking a small step was denied to me by<br />
the excruciating pain that would accompany it.</p>
<p>So, among the lessons it taught me were never to complain about having to<br />
stand in line again! Then there is the ongoing struggle for one’s independence<br />
and dignity when people who are infirmed are then routinely denied simple<br />
access to doorways, stairs, cars, etc. It was something that I never thought<br />
about previously- Oh, how my awareness sharpened, and how my politeness<br />
improved!</p>
<p>Because the ability to walk was almost taken away from me, I will never, ever<br />
consider taking a handicapped parking space, nor will I lessen my personal<br />
appreciation for the courage and fortitude of those whose disabilities makes<br />
simple routines a lifelong struggle.</p>
<p>As your minister, I am very encouraged to hear that accessibility to our<br />
buildings has become a more widely acknowledged priority for the coming<br />
year, as it is an issue whose time has certainly come; accessibility is an<br />
outreach that is rooted in justice, and it is displayed through our desire to be<br />
welcoming, and to greet others with caring and compassion. This next year,<br />
let us work on this together! So be It&#8230;</p>
<address>Delivered on 6/11/2009</address>
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