Archive for December, 2009

Is Santa Real? Is Santa Claus A Myth?

December 5, 2009 - 12:15 pm 88 Comments

IS SANTA REAL?
A Look at the Myth, the Man, and the Meaning
Of Santa Claus in our society today

Santa Claus! Santa Claus! That magical name that means Christmas to every child! He, bedecked in red and reindeer, is the great and jolly bearer of toys and gifts, glad tidings and good cheer… He is the universal symbol of generosity and appreciation, of caring and love, as expressed by all those striving to be good to themselves and their families and friends across our culture.
Ah, Santa Claus… Bah, Humbug! He’s that overblown buffoon, a Coca-Cola inspired bloated triviality that is problematic at best!
He is a banal, obsequious, psychophant of drivel; the bearer of an awful, punishing theology, a darling of Madison Avenue’s hucksters and the epitome of crass commercialism in all of its excesses and squalid extremes that ruins the spirit of Christmas every year!
Unfortunately, both of these vivid images are with us, and they hold a paradoxical truth within them. However, the legend we love and the hustler, con-man we despise are no easily reconciled or understood. In the spirit of the holidays, in the mist of a convoluted twists and a knotted tangles of ideals and traditions, fantasy and fanfare, I have to ask…. Can we arrive at a more satisfactory, balanced, and objective appreciation of who and what is Santa Claus for us? Does the idea or the image hold or keep its meaning and value for us all today?

I think so, especially as we come to understand and further identify with the historical and spiritual aspects of the story, and when we allow the wisdom of Myths to guide us toward a wider and deeper sense of truth for the human heart. Such an understanding of Santa Claus, to me, will allow us to separate the gold from the tinsel concerning our ubiquitous holiday hero….

First, lets begin with a brief historical look at the origins of Santa, and then appraise how those original meanings can begin to assist us in separating out facts, from fiction or fantasy, and what they can still teach the children of all ages that is still valuable today.
Santa Claus was born in approximately 275 AD or ACD. …
At that time, he was rather a humble, unassuming, and devout person known as Nicholas of Patera and Lycria, a small cities in Asia Minor. Early in his own life, he was orphaned, and as was the custom of his day, he became a ward of the church, and as a ward, he entered the monastery as a novice monk.
One day, while he was still a young man, the reigning bishop died… The church elders held a council to choose a successor, but there was no one clearly in line. Then, one of the elders had, what he believed to be a prophetic dream. …
In that dream, God would decree and declare that the first one entering the church that next morning, would then be proclaimed as the new bishop!

Young Nicholas, diligently returning from an overnight chore, stepped into the church very early that next morning, and those steps lead to his immortality in religious history!
As Bishop of Myna, a large city on the coast of Turkey, he made a quick and dramatic impact on his culture. First, he became known as the silent or secret benefactor of poor maidens, providing them with some dowry so they could afford a serious mate, which he hid in their stockings that were hung there to dry by the fire at night…
Particularly poignant was his support of three orphaned girls…
if they were not soon rescued or provided a dowry, they were to be sold into the white slavery trade and prostitution. The next day, just before they were to be sent off, Nicholas secretly came by, and gave each girl three small bags of gold.
Later, when the villagers were able to trace who might have been secretly responsible for the girl’s release, and for their newly found funds, they eventually came down to the kind bishop, and the news of his generosity spread! Some say, this legend is the origin of the 3 gold balls that adorn the pawnbroker’s shop, as this was the first recorded ransom paid to redeem the girls from a life of indentured service, and profane vice.
Upon his death, many hundreds of people mourned his loss, and his many virtues were seen as a sign of sainthood. Visits to his tomb were considered to be healing experiences, and as a result in a relatively short time, sainthood was conferred on him. He became the symbol of selfless giving and heartfelt generosity.
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In Europe, St. Nicholas does not appear on Christmas Eve, but on December 6th, the feast day of his sainthood. Originally, he did not come down any chimney… He simply waited until everyone had gone to bed, then he strolled through the front door!
Early drawings and church tradition state that he was tall and thin, and rode a scrawny horse. While he did carry a bag over his shoulder, the gifts were far more modest- fruit, cheese, and sweets… Before he gave these gifts out, he questioned the children on their past behavior, and more importantly, on their future intentions.
Once the Dutch adopted him, as Saint Calusen, and then, by cultural image, his popularity and girth expanded so that he became the rolly poly Father Christmas in England, pare Noel in France, and Kris Kringle in Germany.
Over the years, St. Nicholas became the patron saint of Russia, The city state of Venice, and the countries of Hungary, and Denmark. He was also designated as the patron saint of bakers and sailors, and has been considered to be a benefactor to the poor, and the orphaned children everywhere. In a weird or bizarre assignment, Nicholas was also deemed to be the patron of young boys who were in danger of being dismembered, salted in brine, and kept to be eaten by evil Innkeepers! ( Something like being the patron saint of victims of Hannibal Lector or maybe villain in the play, Sweeny Todd! )
Back to the story… When the settlers of New Amsterdam reached the New World, they naturally brought Sainten Clausen along with them. As time went on, and as new waves of European people
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came to America, the legend grew… By the year 1900, Jolly Old St. Nick or out modern Santa Claus, was known and celebrated in over 100 countries.
So that is a brief account of how a young monk became a saint, who then became Santa Claus. In the years of tradition and through many cultural embellishments that followed, we have additions such as the magical reindeer, The North pole, helper elves, and all the wonderfully sentimental images conjured up by the beloved Victorian Clement Moore’s poem, Twas the Night before Christmas.
Later, we are given the classic answer to does Santa exist in the article from the Baltimore Sun, Yes, Virginia…. Later, during the 1940′s, Coca Cola rendered an ad for their drink using a jolly old man in a red suit, and then the modern image of Santa Claus was born! (Cocaine!) So we can say that what started out to be a humble life of anonymous caring saint became the repository of a cross-cultural legacy of myth, charm, and childlike wonder… .
Why do I say that the story is a Myth? Or for some, a fairy tale? Because the story of Santa Claus fits them all. As a bit of review, Myths in this context are not falsehoods, lies, or untruths. Myths are timeless stories that appeal to the depth of our humanity- they are soul shaping stories- ones that can lead us to deeper meaning and insight about ourselves and our world.

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Myths, as meaning makers, convey the lessons that are larger than life, broader than culture, deeper than ordinary thought, feeling, or general life experience. A myth’s story line, when understood on its various metaphorical levels, leads us to a comprehension of transcendental truths. Myths and their legends bring we humans to the spiritual inroads and to the supersensible qualities of our humanity; Myths invite us into the intuitive, the imaginal, and the inspirational parts of our lives.
A classic or a religious myth usually revolves around a hero or heroine who has or displays special qualities of self and soul that makes them a shining example of strength, courage, morality, ethics, or some ideal that acts as a role model for we mere mortals. But myths are not focussed on people per se, for we humans can and do have “clay feet,” and we are to use mythological stories as guides, not as idols. This is the great and serious mistake our popular culture makes when we indulge in the adoration and the uncritical worship of sports figures, rock musicians, or Hollywood stars! Flawed humans, when placed on such a pedestal, will certainly fall or they will fail us!

Refocusing on story, the legends that have sprung up around St. Nicholas or Santa Claus give us an authentic access to our own personal magic; a doorway to our own inner child, which includes all of our creative impulses, and our personal capacity for altruism and idealism: Myths leads us through the doorway to the mystical, magical, even to the holy child that lives in each of us.
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According to the famous psychoanalyst Bruno Bettleheim, the exploration of myths and legends are an essential step in a child’s cognitive and moral development. Dr. Bettleheim studied many of the classical children’s stories from Europe, and made his conclusions known in his famous book, The Uses of Enchantment.
Briefly, in his psychoanalytic experience, Bettleheim states that we should always seek to feed or stimulate a child’s imagination; her or his curiosity, and each child’s willingness to be creative and inspired in their approach to life. All too often, he states, we try to make our children too logical, too early! If a child is rushed into reason, they can become deprived of fantasy, creativity, imagination, and the result will be the child’s impaired ability to understand religious ideals, symbols, or metaphors- making them too easily prone to reductionism, too easily frustrated, too limited to see that religious truths, as a whole, are paradoxes, and they function as trans-logical assertions that require a sense of wonder, not analysis, to be best understood. (Further research in this field has been done by authors of the “Hurried Child” and by Goldman’s research on the nine kinds of intelligence…)
While some systems of education and parenting state that your child will benefit from a scientific and more pragmatic approach to life, or that they might advance academically much faster if you emphasize logical reasoning and “getting ahead” social skills, the consequence or the balance point for such an emphasis is while they can also become whiz kids, they will also lack any sense of idealism.
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They can easily become crass, demanding, and materialistic. Bettleheim and others, notably the Waldorf schools, actively and enthusiastically use fairy tales to teach moral and ethical lessons, stories that teach them about human motives, and how to display empathy, compassion, and kindness.
For example, if Santa Claus is dismissed as a silly, irrational idea, then you can quickly invite skepticism, disillusionment, and distrust into a child’s life. We can risk robbing them of their developmental need to explore the possibilities of creative and imaginative solutions to life’s questions.
Santa, then, is the timeless symbol of generosity, and caring. Few things are more sad than a cynical child who wants or worse, needs, lots of things around them to feel happy or satisfied. If we use the myth of Santa in a constructive way, we can expand a child’s unselfish motives, and encourage giving and sharing with others.
In that way, we begin to educate a child’s heart, and awaken our children to their higher selves, and to their spiritual identities.
So what about Santa? I can appreciate the parental dilemma of what to say and when… The only option not open to you in this culture is not to say anything- you just cannot ignore an ever-present, insistent holiday symbol! So, it comes down to this, “Is Santa Real?”
First, we have to realize that your child already has prepared an answer for you- at their own developmental speed, in their own particular way. There can be no set time to come clean, or tell the whole story to them. That time has to be sensitively chosen, or at
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least prepared according to his or her ability to comprehend or understand. Rarely is this before the age of 5, or after the age of 10… Personally, I feel you should wait until your child has reached a more appropriate age, say 32!
Understanding that a child requires the adults around her or him to approach this answer with caring and compassion, sometimes it is best to ask them first how they think or feel. That will relieve you of the task of giving the burdensome answer they might not need or comprehend. (Story- Where Did I Come From? If there is time…)

Let empathy, not anxiety, lead you towards your answers… Try not to succumb to our culture’s premature, rushed, and sometimes cruel realism. Think about for a moment, do you remember how you were told, or how you first found out? How did you feel?
The ideal message we can convey about Santa is that he is the symbol of those qualities and values that transcend the marketplace or the shopping mall. His spirit soars above callous consumerism, and malicious materialism. He is not merely a religious parody.
Santa lives, and is real for us only as we persist in going beyond our harsh cultural attitudes and the desire for instant gratification.
He takes us on a magical journey to the land of ideals, hope, unselfishness, and generosity. His story can be used to demonstrate a loving regard for one another- all of which can serve to enrich our hearts, and preserve our souls.

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Finally, we know that Santa lives in and through us. … He lives in and beyond us as the highest example of the willingness to love by giving unselfishly and sharing unconditionally with others.
This supernal mythical figure, stuffed and padded into a red suit, carried by reindeer and accompanied by elves, calls us annually to relive our own timeless sense of childhood and to remember what Emerson said to us, that “the best gift we can give to anyone is the gift of ourselves.”
So whether you want to keep him as St. Nick or jolly Santa, it remains true that we all have need of his presence in our lives. His model and meaning is one that spreads joy and benevolence. Santa lives in us this season, and Santa is real as long as there are gifts of peace, love, cooperation, and assurance that we want to give to people in our lives, and that at Christmas, we can reach out to share this gift of heartfelt caring with everyone, everywhere.

Sample Interfaith Ceremonies and Rituals

December 1, 2009 - 7:40 pm 4 Comments

A Sample of Interfaith Wedding Resources:

Hands Ceremony

Please face each other and hold hands …
so you may feel the gift that you are to one another…

These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever.
These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy.

These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children.
These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one.
These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.

And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

For A Winecup Ceremony

Clergy: I offer you this cup, filled with wine as you first act of nurturing and caring for each other as husband and wife. Throughout the generations of humanity, wine has come to symbolize inspiration and joy- a sharing in the one love that unites us and that gives us both hope and peace. Wine is an expression of the process of life, it can be both bitter and sweet, and in its experience, we taste more of life than if it were only of one consistency or flavor. Wine, then, is the liquid of love, the flow and the taste of life we give to one another.

Groom (he receives the cup from the minister…)
_____________, take this cup that I offer you, it is the wine of my heart, it is rich, deep with flavor, and will soothe your thirst for a lifelong companion…

Bride: ( receives the cup from the groom…)

_____________________, In giving and receiving, I offer you this cup as the flow of life and love that connects us, and the quenches any loneliness, now and forever.

For a Candle Lighting Ceremony ( One Candle)

Clergy: Light has always represented life, spirit, and hope. This candle symbolizes the light that can be shared by two people who love. In lighting this wedding or unity candle, ______________and__________________ , express the merging of two lives as one, the connection of two hearts and souls into a shared future.

Groom: In lighting this light with you, I give myself to you… for me, this light signifies a friendship that has caught fire…

Bride: In lighting this light with you, I give myself to you… for me,
this light signifies a friendship that has caught fire…

The Lighting of The Unity Candle (using 3 Candles)

Sand Ceremony (short version)

Today, this relationship is further symbolized through the act of pouring from two containers of sand… One represents ________( Bride)
All that you are, and all that you will ever be…
The second container, represents ____________( Groom) all that you are and all that you will ever be…
As these two containers of sand are poured into the new third container, the is created a dynamic and gracious blending of the two individuals, and their life stories, who now become a new combined creation, never to be separated into their old selves, be together, intertwined and interlaced as your marriage shall ever be…

Sand Ceremony (including parents)

Earlier, when the mother s came in, they brought with them two distinct colored containers of sand… These containers symbolize the family that the bride and groom have come from, and will always value… It represents their heritage, the legacy of parental caring, and all the formative lessons about life and love that they shared…
Now, in being married, ________ and _______, will mix their lives , their past, their family traditions, and all that they were, into a new container- this vessel will mark the beginning of a new family. This family will represent all the good of the past, and all the potentials and blessings they will share throughout the married lives together…

Grits Ceremony: ( Adapted from the more common Sand Ceremony)

When this ceremony began, you might have seen the mothers carrying three containers… In a special homage to a South, and with a more organic twist !), the two colored containers have white and yellow grits in them… These two colors symbolize the heritage and legacy of their respective families, their individuality, and their roots of family and branches of their belonging… The third, that was empty, will be used now, as Charissa and Dave, will take some of their family and individual grits and pour them into the new vessel- the one that they will swirl and it will blend their past and their personalities to freely form the basis and a new pattern of life that will grow and will create a new family, from this day onward…

Saptapadi (Hindu)

Clergy: Now that you have proclaimed before God and loved ones your intentions, and have given each other a ring as a symbol of your commitment, I ask you now to write these promises in the earth, and to encircle them upon your hearts, that you might always be reminded of the words spoken here tonight. …

As the Moon circles the Earth to give us the months and tides of life, and the light of the night, as the Sun circles the solar system to give to those months the seasons of light, and the daily life for our souls, so do these two people now encircle one another linking hands and touching hearts…

Knowing that as the times, the circumstances, and the seasons of our lives together will change, what remains constant is their heartfelt love for each other.

Sample Lasso Rituals

The Lasso ceremony
Prayer- please pick one of the two prayers listed but definitely speak the first paragraph. You can mix and match because we like elements of both:
The Lasso Ceremony, ________ ( relatives or friends) will loop the figure eight.

The Bride and Groom kneel before the minister.

Minister: _________ and _________ have chosen to incorporate the Lasso ritual into their wedding ceremony today. The Lasso is a wedding ritual in which the couple are bound together with a ceremonial rosary. Lassoing is a declaration of intent, where the bride and groom clearly state that they are marrying of their own free will.

_________ and _________ since your lives have crossed in this life, you have formed eternal and sacred bonds. As you enter this state of matrimony you should strive to make real the ideals that to you, give meaning to this ceremony and to the institution of marriage.

With full awareness, know that within this Lasso you are not only declaring your intent to be bound together before your friends and family, but you speak that intent also to God.
The promises made today and the ties that are bound here greatly strengthen your union and will cross the years and lives of each soul’s growth.

_________ and _________, I ask you to hold hands and look into each others eyes.

Will you honor and respect one another, and seek to never break that honor?

Will you share each other’s pain and seek to ease it?

Will you share the burdens of each so that your spirits may grow in this union?

Will you share each other’s laughter, and look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other?

Bride & Groom: We will.

Minister drapes the Lasso in the form of an “8″ around the shoulders of the Bride and Groom.

Minister: _________ and _________ , as you are bound together now, so too your lives and spirits are joined in a union of everlasting love and trust. Above you are the stars and below you is the earth. Like the stars your love should be a constant source of light, and like the earth, a firm foundation from which to grow.

Minister offers a prayer, removes the Lasso before the Bride and Groom rise, then presents the Lasso to the Groom who will later give it to the Bride. (The Bride will carry her bouquet as they walk together down the aisle).
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The Lasso Prayer #1

Bless the marriage of _________ and _________, O God, as they begin their journey down the road of life together. We know not what lies ahead for the road has many turns and bends. We are grateful to you for helping them to make the best of whatever comes their way.

We are thankful that they can continue to enjoy each other as they did when they first met and for helping them to realize that nothing nor no one is perfect and to look for the good in all things and all people including themselves.

Thank you for helping them to respect each other’s likes and dislikes, opinions and beliefs, hopes and dreams and fears even though they may not always understand them.

Thank you for helping them to learn from each other and to help each other to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Thank you for helping them to realize that no matter what happens to them they will hold on to each other and know that things have a way of working out for the good.

Thank you for helping them to create for their children a peaceful, stable home of love as a foundation on which they can build their lives.

But most of all, dear God, thank you for helping them to keep lit the flame of love’ that they now share so that by their loving example they may pass on the light of love to their children and to their children’s children forever and ever.

And so it is.
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The Lasso Prayer #2

Father in heaven, You ordained marriage for your children, and You gave us love. We present to You _________ and _________, who come this day to be married. May the covenant of love they make be blessed with true devotion and spiritual commitment.

We thank you for giving them the strength and courage to keep the covenant they have made.

Thank you for helping them to create for their children a peaceful, stable home of love as a foundation on which they can build their lives.

When selfishness shows itself, grant generosity;

When mistrust is a temptation, give moral strength;

When there is misunderstanding, give patience and gentleness;

When suffering becomes a part of their lives, give them a strong faith and an abiding love.

And so it is.

Closing Prayer and Declaration of Marriage